Parental Guidance, Not Homeschooling, Is the Most Important Factor

We review our children's schooling program yearly.  We do so because we want to keep our kids on the same path for an entire year--our preference.  We ask, "what is best for our children at this moment in time?"  

We don't talk about what we want.  We don't talk about what we want to teach them.  We don't talk about our religious and political beliefs.  We talk about our kids.  We discuss their emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual states and what will help them proceed in life.

We have never entered the homeschool world thinking that it's the only way our kids or any other kid can learn.  It is one option.  Right now, it's the best option for our kids.

That may change, or it may not.  I have friends who homeschool, others that send their kids to public or private school, and some, like us, who utilize outside learning centers coupled with homeschooling.  Although I personally don't know anyone doing so, there is also a private school model where the school directs curriculum and meets 2 days or more a week, while the home is a "satellite school" meeting 3 days or less a week.  There is also a private tutor model, used mainly by kids in Hollywood.

There is no ONE manner of teaching and rearing a child, just as there is no ONE curriculum.  Each child is unique and different, just as every family situation is.

I am not so much a proponent of homeschooling as I am a supporter of the best educational pathway for the individual student.  "One way or highway" is not an option with a complex human being.  Foremost, we have to ensure that our children are receiving what THEY need, not what we need as parents, or our friends and groups tell us to support.  Decisions should be be based on the child.  Sometimes that does indeed mean following what we want---what we want them to learn and how--as long as the core needs of the child are not lost.

I find that a lot of people explore homeschooling believing that it's the only way to give your children a good education.  Now, that's simply not true.  It's ONE way.  It a great way!  It's a beneficial way.  But, it's not and can never be the ONLY way.

My daughter walked into the room as I was writing this on a Thursday morning at 8:30 a.m. and she gave me a hug, and we embraced and chatted for a bit.  She's off playing with her brother before I start school.  I can hear them in the other room playing a game.  I couldn't hear this if they are in a school building and I'm at work.  That plays into our decision, too.

Basically it boils down to this: do what's best for your kids and your family.  Revisit your decision, and don't be afraid to change.  Sometimes kids are homeschooled until college, and sometimes they are in school, and sometimes they are in and out of homeschool.  Whatever the road map looks like for their education, the most important factor is that caring, loving parents guide them on that path.

Taking Myself Out of the Equation

Christmas vacation is a necessary medicinal in our home.  I need a break from being teacher so I can just be plain ol' mom.  One of our greatest problems this past semester is that I became the task master and certain offspring rebelled at that.  It made for messy starts to the day, and uncomfortable working conditions for the sibling who didn't push back at mom's direction.

I spoke with a trusted friend and homeschooler about what I classified as a problem child.  She said, "you've got to take yourself out of the equation."

LIGHT BULB.

When the kids were little we started using the timer.  The timer told us when it was time to get ready for bed or time to stop playing or time to leave.  Mom and dad were noticeably absent from the process.  We didn't tell them it was transition time, the timer did.  And, you can't yell at a timer.  That saved us many quarrels and agitations.

So, I need to take myself out of the equation....what does that look like?

I confess that I'm still pondering it.  But, initially, I must gravitate to more of a workbox system based on our schedule, of assigning the work up front and setting the timers for subjects.  I'm not sure exactly what that will mean, but with some prep, I think I can make something like  that materialize.  

I'm feeling that the timer is a must.  The kids need to know that the end will come.  I think sometimes boy-o gets nervous that he's just gonna be doing the same thing all day.  And, I have friends who report that.  "Junior worked on one math sheet all day!"  Yeah, that's not gonna fly in our home.  I'm not saying my kids would do MORE work, but I don't have patience to make them finish a worksheet if it means working on it for hours at a stretch.  That's not how I roll.

So, I'm still working out the particulars, and as with everything we do, there will be trial and error...and change.

Newtown, CT 12/14/2012

My heart is with those in CT today.  My soul aches for the mothers whose arms are empty tonight.

God bless those affected by this senseless act of violence.

Highlights of Conversations

A wonderful friend and I were talking the other day (a time of honest, loving connection) and naturally we spent a good deal of our time on homeschooling issues.  Great gal that she is, she sent me a synopsis of our convo.  

I was blown away!  She took the time to write out our issues and our ideas to resolve those in our home routines and email it to me.

Whoa.

I post them here, because this was truly a thoughtful gift from her.  Perhaps, you too, faithful mom, could find our problems with resolutions helpful.  

Also, I post it as a reminder that every interaction we have with friends is important.  What a lovely way to wrap up quality time together by highlighting what was discussed.  It honors the time spent and the energies outlaid, as well as helping us benefit from the interaction.  We can keep the conversation going...

Here are her words:  

1.       We would love to have more quiet space to do letters and other quiet things that nurture relationships and our souls.

2.       Our boys would probably benefit from more structure to their day.

3.       We have too many unused resources that add guilt instead of options.

4.       It’s OK to stop in the middle of something and go back to it the next day.

So, how can we encourage each other to make some of these things happen?

1.       I think if I instituted an hour or even half-hour in-their-room time each day, that would give me time to write at least one card.

2.       Get back onto scheduling and make up one to start with, even if it needs tweaking...we owe it to our boys to do what it takes to make them successful at what we’re asking for. Let’s keep asking each other about this.

3.       I’ve been downsizing for a while and don’t have much left, thankfully! Maybe set aside a box and every time you see a school item that makes you feel guilty put it in the box ‘jail’ and see if you really need to have it around. Sell it to earn few bucks instead of giving you an ulcer.

4.       Write this down and post it prominently in your school room for a while until you all know it by heart. JRefer to it while using idea #2.

So, for the days leading up to Thanksgiving Break, I thought it would be a good idea to do a unit geography study.  We don't usually have time for geography, so it seemed a great way to get in school and get out of our routine.

I had picked up a Beautiful Feet geography study and the first book is "Paddle-to-the-Sea."  I'm reading it and thinking, I know this story!   I've seen this in a movie!

Flashback to late 1970s elementary school and I can hear the click-clack-click-clack of the reel projecting a little boy carving his figurine and pouring lead into a trough on the bottom.  So vivid!

I jump to the computer the first chance I get and find the movie on YouTube (I heart the Internet).  Now, after reading the book, I'll subject my children to the flick like all parents who insist on sharing their nostalgia with their progeny.

 

God in the Smoke, Chaos and Thunder

Picture this, an auditorium full of hundreds of screaming, ecstatic Middle Schoolers coupled with stage fog, a stroke-inducing light show, and booming rock music set to what surely must be the volume equivalent of DEFCON 1.  Not a place you'd expect to find God.  And yet this is Hazardous, our Middle School Ministry program at Hope Community Church, and God is there...with earplugs, I'm sure.

Last night 25+ Middle School students took the plunge for the Lord in their regular, high-intensity Wednesday night service.  They were baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and my daughter was among those who said "yes" in front of their peers.

And these aren't just any peers, these are Middle Schoolers.  Do you remember Middle School?  If you're like me and a zillion other people you probably want to forget Middle School.  Middle School is similar to but much worse than the dream where you walk into a packed classroom to take a test for a class you've never attended and then realize you're stark naked and you don't have a pen.  Yeah, like that.  But with more humiliation.

So these friends are watching you, and you're in shorts and a t-shirt and you're declaring your life for the Lord into a microphone, and you get dunked into the tank and come up dripping wet looking like a feral cat in a tsunami and what do these scrutinizing adolescent onlookers do?

They cheer.

The crowd erupts.  These Middle Schoolers, who are too cool to laugh at dad's jokes anymore, actually scream at the top of their lungs for the kids taking a dive for Jesus.  And they do it not only once, or twice, or for the one or few kids they know personally, but they do it every time.  For each baptism.

The amount of love, respect and encouragement from the crowd of teens blew my mind.  While I think it would not be incredible to see a group of 20 or 40 or maybe even 100 pubescent Christians shouting for their compatriots' dunks, this is different.  

The crowd topples 400 students, many of whom do not even attend church regularly.  You see, this Middle School Ministry is an outreach.  Simply to attend, some of these kids, none of whom can drive, must ask, beg or plead a ride from an adult.  Some of them are not even sure who God is, if He exists or why they keep coming back.  Maybe it's the free pizza, the cheap candy, or even to escape the house for a night.  

Regardless of where each individual kid is on their path with God, they all cheered last night.  I'm sure some didn't really understand for what they were applauding, but I know hearts were touched.  Nudges were made.  God was brought to the forefront in one manner or another in each attendants' mind.  He was there, in the chaos, in the smoke, in the thunder.    

In the roped-off section carefully set apart from the melee of cacophonous puberty, the group of middle-aged parents and seasoned grandparents stood and cheered along.  And, like God, we wore earplugs. 

       

Trampoline Mission Field

I just love Pinterest.  Well, actually, I love postings of Pinterest from my friends on their fb timelines.  Much easier than going to the site itself!  I'm a time cheat, to be sure!

I'm also NOT crafty.  So, when I find something easy or something difficult that I can make easy, I do it.  That's what I plan on doing this week.  After today, we're throwing regular curriculum aside and doing crafts and a Great Lakes unit study until Thanksgiving Break. 

We start our break on Tuesday, one day earlier than the neighborhood kids, so that we can shop for our Turkey Day feast together.  They'll want to play with their friends in the neighborhood so we won't have a chance then.  I like to plan our school vacation days around the public school calendar so that the cul-de-sac friendships can blossom.

We've lived in this neighborhood for 9 years now, my kids have grown up here, and these are lifelong friends to them. I want to encourage that.  Living here in the Southeast we have plenty of Christian friends in the neighborhood, as well as some atheist and Hindu ones as well.  I teach my children that they are examples of Christianity to everyone.  Our backyard trampoline is their mission field.  

Our house is a magnet for the kids, with plenty of computer games for rainy days, and a big backyard with trampoline and other things on which to play.  That is on purpose.  I want to set the tone, and be the adult "on call."  I keep plenty of ice water, snacks, and bandages on hand.  Sometimes we serve lunch.  I want my kids here, and I want other kids here.  That way, I know where they are, what they're doing, and I can easily tell if they are getting into mischief.   

Inviting a melting pot to our property means there are many different styles of parenting and living on display.  I will lovingly and firmly inform my kids' friends of the proper way to speak, which words I do not allow, and how to pitch in to help clean up a mess or a spill.  I have never had a child balk.  

Here, we lead by example, we expect certain behaviors in others, and we always encourage kids to play and have FUN!  

What better way to teach children about God?